Chan’s answers made me think about accomplishments. I thought it was so interesting that he feels like the greatest thing he’s done so far was in college and he couldn’t think of anything he could do in the future that would surpass it. Wouldn’t it be nice to feel like you’ve already done something great and you don’t have to always be trying to top yourself? Sometimes I think we all feel like we’re supposed to be striving for something—better job, a family if we don’t have one, a house, a vacation house, a house in another country… It’s exhausting! Maybe something more important to strive for is rest and relaxation. Or contentment. Or feeling fulfilled with what you’ve got. Being great is great but I just don’t think we should discount the importance of also giving yourself a break.
Q: What is the quality you value most in other people?
A: I like it when people are who they are, they don't have a whole bunch of different personalities for different people. For bosses, underlings, rich people, poor people, and so on. And they treat you the same way no matter who is around.
But my absolute favorites are curious people, because these people are the most fun to talk to. If there's one type of person I always seem to click with, it's a good talker, somebody who is sincerely and deeply curious about everything, and will talk about anything. Current events, public urinals, how monkeys fight, how a gay ghost might redecorate your apartment, mustaches, coffee presses -- anything. They never look at you with that "why are you talking about this, it's so weird" expression. If they don't know what you're talking about, they're eager to listen. With a curious person, you can go anywhere and have a great time. You make fun of things, deconstruct the mundane, formulate theories on the fly, you express how something is making you feel in excruciatingly great detail. Intellectual curiosity. That's what I admire most in other people. I love it when people are madly in love with the whole world and all it has to offer.
Q: If you could go back in time and change one thing, what would it be?
A: My mom used to have all these small businesses—a dry cleaner, a couple of restaurants—and I didn’t help out that much. I wish I would have been a better son, I wish I would have said, I’ll be here whenever you need me. I just wish I could have gotten along with my parents better as a kid, while we were all young. But we were all different people back then, I’m not sure if it was possible. Still, it would have been nice.
Q: What’s the biggest mistake you ever made and were you able to fix it?
A: I got a fight in 11th grade in front of everyone and I got my ass beat. I went into it thinking, no one would really get hurt, that would someone come and break it up before anything happens. Plus, I was into karate and all that shit—I figured it would end quickly. But he threw several punches and it was really embarrassing. I wish I had never put myself in that position, I should have went there to fight or not showed up at all.
I still have weird feelings about the whole thing—it was a huge turning point in my life. I kind of felt like a loser and walked around with a black eye for a while, it was dehumanizing. Now when I see people in fights, I’m not one of the people on the side, cheering, I feel bad for the person getting beat up.
Q: Who are/have been the most influential people in your life?
A: I have this weird issue where I will not allow someone to be my mentor—people that influence me are people that are dumb or don’t share my beliefs and that reaffirms my resolve to not be like them.
I don’t see someone do something good and think, wow, that’s a great approach, I’ll try that. If I see someone do something stupid, I try to avoid that. It’s like, you learn more by watching a bad movie, because a perfect movie, you just accept it. But a bad movie makes you think, why is it bad? It’s the same with people.
My parents are in love but my dad worked really hard at a job that he hated for 40 years. I’ve never seen them kiss or be passionate and watching them growing up depressed me—so I don’t want to have a life like them.
I grew up in the suburbs of Detroit, and not the rich part. Very few of my friends went to college, everybody wanted to work for the auto industry. I just didn't feel like I fit in. I wasn't surrounded by people I aspired to be like. We all got drunk and into fights.
My mom influenced me, I guess. Like a typical Asian mom, she enrolled me in every class imaginable. Art classes, piano lessons, karate classes, baseball league, basketball league, soccer league, diving classes, swimming lessons, it never ended! Of course, it drove me crazy at the time, but the art classes and piano lessons, they really help me out a lot these days. When I edit, I almost look at the time line like musical notation. And all I did as a kid was draw. It was the biggest escape I had as a child. And my mom was the one who really encouraged me to move to New York City. She said something like "move to New York... you'll make friends there... everything will be okay." And she was right. I think about my mom driving her three little Asian kids all over the place for our lessons. I feel like the biggest jerk in the world when I think about it. She wanted to give us every opportunity to be exceptional. And I feel like we all let her down.
Q: What are you looking forward to?
A: Meeting a great girl and getting married. I’m tired of dating. I’m sick of going to bars with the guys.
Career-wise, I feel like I’ve been in this transition stage for so long, LA can make you feel that way—like you can be more successful, just do this and this and you’ll be happy. You can always be operating at a bigger scale, get paid more money, but I don’t want to feel into that trap. I’m sick of feeling like I’m on standby. I feel like I’m at the airport, waiting for something.
Q: What is the biggest mistake you ever made and were you able to fix it?
A: The thing I feel the worst about is—this is going to sound awful—but my mom went into the hospital and I didn’t visit her. I don’t remember what it was for but when she got out, she asked me why I didn’t come and gave her some lame excuse. When I was growing up, I didn’t get along with my parents and at some point, I was living in the same house but I didn’t participate in the family stuff—I was an emo asshole.
I guess I’m fixing it, because I’m super attentive now. I sit and listen to them ramble for hours now. I try to be the best son. My dad is a right-wing nut job but I don’t even argue. It's really strange how well I get along with my parents now. I just needed to get out of Michigan. We started getting along better almost immediately and it's only gotten better.
I apologized to my mom one day for being such a rotten kid. The house was empty, it was just me and her. She said don't worry about it, you were a kid. Then she added, I always told your father you were the nicest out of all the kids, had the kindest heart, and that he would see that someday. That was shocking. She didn't even look up as she said it. But I started tearing up and left the room for a while.
Q: If you won 50 million dollars, what would the first thing you would do with it?
A: I’ve actually visited websites where it tells you what you should do if you win the lottery, like un-list your phone number, don’t tell anyone, contact a lawyer, it also says there are better times of year where you should make the claim, they give you all the info. But they also say go crazy, like if you want to light a cigar with a hundred dollar bill, do it. Go to Vegas, gamble and blow a lot. That’s healthy and get it out of system and figure it out.
I would pay off my family's debt. And help out my closest friends. I would travel, of course. But my life wouldn't change that much. I would buy a nice house I could see myself living in for the rest of my life. Also, an apartment in New York. I might take some college courses, but mostly I would still be reading, writing, and playing tennis. And probably start a production company, make a low budget film or develop a reality show. I would live sensibly and wear sweat pants a lot, not much would change.
Q: What do you read?
A: Mostly magazines and online articles, but during my time off, I've been reading way more fiction. John and Dan Fante. Love John Fante. It's embarrassing how much I identify with his character Arturo Bandini. Right now I'm finishing The Girl who Played with Fire, second in the Millennium Trilogy by the late Stieg Larsson. Just checked out You Don't Love Me Yet and A Family Daughter from the library. People are telling me You Don't Love Me is complete garbage. Now I really want to read it.
Q: What is your greatest accomplishment so far?
A: I don’t really think I’ve done anything great but the thing I feel the proudest of is being MVP of the NYU tennis team. For a while I had the most wins in NYU history and that just makes me happy. Even if I got nominated for an Oscar, this would be way cooler.
Q: Best advice you’ve ever received? Worst advice?
A: I don’t know if it’s advice but one person said to me that no one in LA is waiting for you to succeed, no one cares. I never really thought of it that way. Most people feel the same way, I feel destined to have an interesting life, an awesome life. But really, no one cares, no one is waiting for my screenplay.
The other thing is also not technically advice but someone else told me that everyone you see, they’ll all be dead in 100 years. That’s not advice but it had a profound affect on me. I felt really sympathetic for everyone, struggling, like, what’s the point? It didn’t depress me, I felt better in some weird way.
As far as worst advice, my dad told me I should become a bricklayer. Is that really a profession? He said, if he could do it all over again, he’d get a job where he would be out in the sun all day. Sometimes I think about that—wow, I am so glad I didn’t do that. Oh, he also said to be a plumber. For a kid that made his own clothes and pierced his own face and drew all the time, thrived in art and music classes? He really did not understand me. My dad meant well. He really did. He's just from a different generation. He's old school. Now he gets a kick out of seeing my name in the credits. He thinks his unemployed son is doing very well. Some of my friends told me not to go to NYU, to just say local. They predicted I would hate New York.
Q: If you could get an all-expenses paid trip anywhere in the world where would you go?
A: If I could take my family along, I'd definitely go to the places in Korea and Japan where I grew up. Not sure what the name of the village in Korea was, small town. And Yokota Air Base in Japan. Those were magical times. That was before I became a self-conscious jerk. I used to sing, laugh, smile, and dance a lot as a kid. Not sure where it all went wrong.
Q: Who is on your celebrity list (the one that includes any celebrity that your partner gives you a “pass” on sleeping with if the opportunity ever arose)?
A: Nobody pops immediately to mind. Emmanuelle Chirqui? She looks like she smells like cotton candy and flowers. If we're talking about talent and brains, Anne Hathaway is sexy as hell even though I think she looks like Bat Boy in some of her pictures. But I bet the pillow talk would be stellar.
Maybe this is more difficult for guys? We're guys, celebrity doesn't impress us. We don't think a girl is more attractive because she drives a hot car or has a high paying job. At a party we'll ignore Oprah and Sonia Sotomayor to talk to the blonde server with a nice butt. Since we're talking about mindless, no strings attached sex, any hot girl will do. Sorry. I just can't think of anybody. I sound like a pig, don't I? I'm trying to be as honest as possible. Ugh. Julianne Hough?
Q: What is the political issue you care about most?
A: Education and health care. Health care, like everyone else. I feel like everyone in this country should have health care and a free education. You can make it a meritocracy after that but it’s not fair if everyone can’t get an education. It should be based on what you do but you should be healthy and educated and then be on your own.
Q: Most useful technological advance in the last 50 years? Least useful?
A: The Internet is the best—I don’t know how people live without it. I can’t believe people would pull out a map to go somewhere. I mean, do you use a marker to trace the route? I don’t know how I got anywhere before Yahoo! maps.
I don’t know, I’m a big fan of technology, I love DVRs I love cell phones.
The least useful would be nuclear bombs. Especially the kind that fit inside of a suit case. There's no need for that.
Q: Worst/funniest date story?
A: It ended in her car and we had just met about 4 hours earlier. Cut to her crying, telling me about her breast cancer—it was in remission, she had beaten it, but I had just met her! I could have never predicted that’s how the night would end, with her telling me about how she really needs to kick-start her life because she doesn’t know how long she has. She said, I can't believe I’m telling you this! But it was an awkward date, I didn’t really feel any sparks so I think she told me because it was almost like telling a stranger, she knew there would be no second date.
She was a super sweet girl and we kept in touch. We had exchanged tons of emails before meeting up, like pages and pages of text. Thinking back, it's amazing how high-spirited she was considering what she'd been through. Or maybe that's why she was so upbeat. She did mention in her emails she was getting sick of dates that went nowhere. I feel the same way now. I wish I could just be with the person I'm meant to be with and not have to go through all the hard work and mistrials. Just go straight to the sitting on the porch swing watching the sunset, eating his and her burritos part. Where are you, my intellectually curious doctor who used to play college tennis and has the body of a ballroom dancer?
