The true meaning of Christmas: Di Saronno drinks for all!

This time of year, everyone is always talking about the “true” meaning of Christmas. Yet all I see on television, in magazines or at the movies, is a hyper-happy reality that looks not only foreign to me, but a little absurd. No one I know, or ever have known, gives (or gets) a Lexus for Christmas. When I was single and broke in New York, I didn’t throw a party nearly as fun or funky as the one thrown by the cutie in the Target commercial. I’ve never met one single family that is as happy as the one in the Folgers ad to see their son/brother come home from doing volunteer work in Africa. On top of everything else I feel bad about, should I now add the fact that neither I nor any of my siblings joined the Peace Corps?

This year, I decided to ask my family not to give me any presents. Reverse psychology? Donate to charity instead? Spend extra time in church learning about baby Jesus? Nope, nope and nope. After watching what must have amounted to hours of Christmas commercials, seeing Christmas gift-related billboards, hearing 24/7 Christmas music on the radio (you get the picture), I actually had become revolted by the thought of entering a mall or buying a single red or green item. Who comes up with this stuff? Cue the sleigh bells! Enter the delighted and adorable children! There’s an expectant girlfriend being presented with an obscenely huge diamond as an engagement ring! I get it, they’re actors, consumerist culture, blah blah blah—it’s not real and I shouldn’t feel disgusted by participating in this scene. So why do I?

I actually have a good family, I have a nice guy, wonderful friends—so what is it about watching these commercials that makes me feel like I am the lamest person on earth? I am probably overthinking it. Just watch and enjoy! Look at this cute bartender dude telling me how to make unique holiday drinks with Di Saronno. Don’t mind if I do, but what is Di Saronno again? At the risk of sounding completely Scrooge-ified, count me out. I didn’t get any presents, I didn’t give any presents and I had to turn the TV off so I didn’t have to watch that ridiculous guy pretend to be a tree that fell off the roof of that family’s car (what is with those ads? What are they even for?). What I did do is talk to my brother, pick up my sister at the airport, make cookies for my boyfriend, pet our dog, drink glogg with my mom and miss my dad, whose last Christmas was 2 years ago. And it was a pretty good Christmas. Not to be too corny, but gifts aren’t always found underneath the tree.

In the immortal (sanitized and paraphrased) words of Cee Lo: Forget You, PeopleRecords

It all started because I wanted to do a background check on someone to whom my family wanted to rent an apartment. Do you know how many companies do background checks? Maybe the germane question should be, how many companies that advertise their background check services online are legit and not just trying to get your money and offer nothing?
Enter PeopleRecords.com.
I paid my $16.95 and I tried to do a basic search. No results. The site suggested that I do the check with multiple versions of the name (with middle initial, without, etc). So I did a total of 3 searches-- all of which yielded no results.
Then I tried to do a criminal check-- but that's extra.
Then I tried to do a credit check-- oh, that's extra too.
At that point, I realized I'd been had. This place is some sort of shell game and I'm the sucker who fell for it!
When I tried to contact "customer service" to get a refund, I was told that since I had already completed 3 searches, that they would be forced to pay their "data services and partners" and that a refund was out of the question.
Great.
Thanks for nothing, PeopleRecords.
Although there's pain in my chest, I wish you the best with a "Forget you."

Things I Wish My Parents Had Told Me: #4

Being nice is great, but it’s not always the best way to deal with things.

Growing up, my parents valued intellect, wit, truth, altruism, humor, thrift, and niceness. In that order. Ours was a house where Mom and Dad said things like “Don’t tell your sister to shut up, that’s not nice” and “We don't interrupt each other, that's not nice” without a trace of irony. Oh sure, I think kids should learn “please” and “thank you” and possibly, “Oh, did I just whack you in the stomach with my oversized bookbag? My apologies!” In this world, sweetness isn’t always treasured. Maybe more important than being nice is being taken seriously.

Also, I’d like to propose that we redefine what the word “nice” refers to. Instead of being all about appearing agreeable and kind to others, it should also mean that you put value in yourself and don’t suffer in silence so that others can benefit. In airplanes, they always say to put your own mask on first and then help others, right? So being nice means that you take care of others, but first you take care of yourself. Generosity of spirit and being truly helpful are amazing qualities—but you have to make sure that you don’t do these things at your own expense.

Sometimes in business, it seems like when I am trying to be “nice,” it blows up in my face. I extend a deadline to someone, only to have them take even longer to do the work (and now I’m in trouble for the lateness). I try to help the new person, only to have them take over my day with endless questions that have nothing to do with my job. I give someone another chance who is going through a divorce and apologizes profusely for not responding to emails and really really needs this job and can I pay them in advance for a small assignment? Well, you know where that one is going (I ended up doing the work myself). Aren’t these all examples of being nice and wouldn’t I want the person in my position to do the same for me? Sure! I’m still trying to draw the line between being understanding and being taken advantage of.

So maybe instead of striving to be the nicest, I will set my goal at “fair.” And I will ask myself the question, if this person reneges, who will lose most, them or me? And I think I can live with people sometimes thinking I am being a little mean. One phrase I have learned since leaving home is “If you’re tired of being a doormat, don’t let people step on you.”

Subject: Sergio Love

Sergio’s answers got me thinking about fearlessness and more importantly, courage in the face of fear. Fear is so often just the lack of knowledge of the future—and fear of the unknown is a very powerful thing. If we’re not careful, fear can dictate our decisions and ruin our lives—that’s where courage comes in. Courage is so important because there will never be a time in which fear doesn’t exist but hopefully with the addition of courage, we can work through the fear and do what we’re scared of anyway. Because when was the last time you regretted something that you didn’t do, isn’t it much more likely that our regrets are things that we didn’t have the courage to do?

Q: What is the quality you most admire in other people?

A: Kindness. It just makes other people feel good.

Q: If you could go back in time and change one thing, what would it be?

A: I would have been more disciplined, as far as following through on certain things I started.

Q: Who are/have been the most influential people in your life?

A: My uncle. My mom of course. My fifth grade teacher, he just encompasses everything I respect about a man, from A-Z.

Q: What are you looking forward to?

A: Success.

Q: What is the biggest mistake you ever made and were you able to fix it?

A: I was offered a tennis scholarship to a four year college but I didn’t go because of my fear of the unknown. I was not able to fix it.

Q: What is your greatest accomplishment so far?

A: Public speaking was my greatest fear and so I became a comedian and went right at it. Full throttle.

Q: Best advice you’ve ever received? Worst advice?

A: The best: if something’s too good to be true, it probably is. You can do it all by yourself. I can’t think of the worst.

Q: What TV show do you love right now?

A: The Dog Whisperer, I want to meet that guy. I love Cesar, I think he’s amazing.

Q: Who is on your celebrity list (the one that includes any celebrity that your partner gives you a “pass” on sleeping with if the opportunity ever arose)?

A: Halle Berry.

Q: What is the political issue you care about most right now?

A: The fictitious war machine that has no real purpose. Fighting people who don’t wear uniforms, it doesn’t make sense.

Q: Most useful technological advance in the last 50 years? Least useful?

A: Obviously the internet is most useful. Least: Facebook and Twitter, I just think it’s an invasion of privacy. Too much exposure. It’s good in one sense but it’s manipulative—you use the tools for free but they’re gathering data on you and your habits, it devastates people.

Q: When is it OK to lie?

A: That’s a tricky one. If it can save someone’s life.

Q: Nighmare date story?

A: I was at this girl’s house with her and she was talking about how she had to move out from her crazy boyfriend’s place. Meanwhile, I kept seeing a shadow outside and then all of a sudden, there’s this gigantic dude (like the Hulk) and he comes in and I’m naked with this girl and I remember putting on my pants and shoes in the parking lot. He’s just screaming, what the hell are you doing here? Then she called me later, why did you leave?

Q: Do you believe in love at first sight?

A: Yes. Cause it has happened to me once. The most amazing situation I’ve ever experienced, it was magical. I had a falling-out with her because she gave me a marriage ultimatum. I regret the answer I gave her.