Subject: Tim O'Brien

Talking to my brother Tim got me thinking about priorities. Sometimes it feels like certain things are expected at certain ages—and if you don’t follow the cosmic template, you’re basically shunned. And it’s funny because it’s 2009, almost 2010—so you would think some of the social mores have changed. But it doesn’t feel that way when something you do bucks the system. Didn’t go to college at the right place? Not married by the right age? Don’t have the right job? Aren’t having kids at the right age? Who decided all these "right" things anyway? Really, it’s nobody’s business what we do and I think once we feel more secure with whatever decisions we make, it feels less like an attack when people question them. This was the first time I’d ever heard anyone say college is less important than connections. But I guess it all just depends on what’s most important to you and being able to stand up for whatever it is that you think.



Q: What do you know now that you wish you knew at a younger age?
A: I realize now what my priorities in life are—regarding education specifically. In my industry (logistics), a college education is not as important as networking—it’s very important to know the right people. I think education for specifics is OK but it’s more important how well you get along with people and how well you do your job.

Q: What’s your worst/funniest date?
A: The worst one was recently, I had a blind date (double date with a friend and his girlfriend) about 2 months ago. A friend set me up under the auspices of the girl being “very attractive”… needless to say, the caveat emptor clause was in full effect. Fast forward to the end where my date had consumed a full meal with dessert at Salty’s (fancy restaurant in Seattle) and my buddy who set me up had already left! It was a $100 dinner and if my friend hadn’t been there, it would have been a 5 dollar parking fee because I wouldn’t have bothered staying.

Q: If you could go back in time and change one thing, what would it be?
A: Some of my stock picks in the early 90s—Nortel Networks and JDS Uniphase. They single-handedly almost wiped out my entire 401K.

Q: Who are/have been the most influential people in your life?
A: My father. He was a role model in the way he treated people and people treated him. He lived by the golden rule which is rare nowadays.

Q: What are you looking forward to?
A: Getting married, having kids. A fulfilling job. Good friends.

Q: What are you reading?
A: Filth by Irving Welsh, the Trainspotting guy. Fargo Rock City by Chuck Klosterman. I read by referral for the most part—from peers, friends and from GoodReads.com.

Q: What do you think is your greatest accomplishment so far?
A: Owning and developing 2 rental properties plus my primary residence. That sounds pretentious but the sweat equity time I have spent and with the downturn in the economy, the fact that I was able to hold onto all of them, is something I am very proud of.

Q: If you won 50 million dollars, what would be the first thing you would do with it?
A: #1: Travel around the world with a black American express card, a pair of shorts, flip flops and a cell phone.
#2: Play the top 100 golf courses in the world through any means necessary—bribery, whatever it takes—since most of them are private and don’t let in just anyone.

Q: Best advice you’ve ever received?
A: Best advice was from a family friend a long time ago that I still look back on and use to this day because it’s very simple: be yourself, because there’s too many people in this world that try to pretend or act like something they’re not.

Q: Least exciting technical advancement of the last 50 years? Most exciting?
A: Least exciting—email and hybrid cars. I believe email is the biggest colossal waste of time for both business and personal use, which is funny because all I do all day is email. It is the most overblown phenomenon since Ford made the model T.
Most exciting—the Internet. It makes the world more accessible.

Subject: Kashmira Gandhi

Talking to Kashmira got me thinking about responsibility. Volunteerism has gotten a lot of press since our President was elected—it is one of the few issues that typically gets bipartisan support—but I wonder how many people really make “getting involved” a priority. To me, personal accountability means community accountability and anyone who has ever volunteered will tell you that you start out by thinking you will help someone else but really, they frequently end up helping you in a previously unforeseen way. It is also a very easy way to help you get focused on what is actually important in life because interacting with people who have very few material possessions but are nonetheless completely fulfilled gives you a very visceral reminder of your own worth. Kashmira has chosen a graduate field of study that will benefit others, but in doing so has also changed her own life, for the better.

Q: What’s your worst/funniest date story?

A: I was in college and I met this guy at a bar, I remember he was wearing a Bill Cosby sweater. He was good looking, a Med student. He asked me out to see a movie and he even picked me up at my apartment. We got to the movie about 30 minutes early and he asks me, “Do you want to see some pictures?” I said sure so he pulls out a 9 by 12 manila envelope full of photos: him as a baby, him as a child, him as a late teen/early 20s model (not a professional model, these looked like mall glamour shots). Longest thirty minutes of my life! I had just met him, I didn’t know him at all! He dropped me off and kissed me good night (the slobbery kind) and he called again but I didn’t go out with him a second time.

Q: If you could go back in time and change one thing, what would it be?

A: I wouldn’t change anything because I think everything happens in a connected way and very little things lead to other things in your life that lead to other things. It’s the butterfly effect, if you change one thing, you would change everything. Even though there’s tons of things I would actually change!

Q: Who are the most influential people in your life?

A: My mom and dad because they both represent really good people, really good morals. I’ve seen how they’ve been able to get through hard things in life and still be good, righteous people. And they’re really nice! And I like talking to them.

I had this boyfriend who wanted to go to college but he didn’t have the money and at the time, my dad decided he would loan the guy the money so he made a deal with the guy—made it clear that it wasn’t because he was his daughter’s boyfriend, it was that people had helped him when he first came to this country (from India) and he wanted to do the same for someone else. They had their own agreement and they guy paid back all the money over time, even after we broke up.

My dad told us to use what you have to help people and that was the best use of the money—it wasn’t making money and it was inconvenient, but it was making a difference.

Q: What is the biggest mistake you ever made and were you able to fix it?

A: I was about 4 and I started stealing gum from the drug store and I would give it to friends at preschool. I knew it was wrong because my parents had told me that stealing was bad and I would give out the gum under the stairs so no one would know.

It was winter and we were looking at a house that my parents wanted to buy and my mom reached into my coat and found a pack of gum. My mom asked me where it came from and I grabbed it and ran and hid the gum in the car and then went back inside with everyone. But my mom asked me again where I had gotten it and so I told her, “Strawberry Shortcake gave it to me!” I couldn’t believe she didn’t believe me! Obviously she knew I was lying and said, did you get it from our friends’ house last night and so I said yes, I took it from the friends’ house, which in retrospect is way worse! Then I cried for such a long time that everyone started trying to make me feel better. My mom said I had to call the friends and apologize but I kept avoiding it and finally I think my mom just told them about it. I didn’t tell my mom for many years that the gum actually came from the store.

Later in life when I was a teenager and everyone was shoplifting, I didn’t because I had so much guilt from that incident and learned my lesson with stealing. It was the first time in my life I experienced guilt and it’s a pretty terrible feeling. Horrible enough that I never did it again, even now I tell the waiter if they accidentally didn’t charge for a drink or something.

Q: What are you most looking forward to?

A: Graduating (with my Master’s) in May and moving to a warm climate! Having a family.

Q: Who is on your celebrity list (the one that includes any celebrity that your partner gives you a “pass” on sleeping with if the opportunity ever arose)?

A: Tom Brady.

Q: If you won 50 million dollars, what would you do with the money?

A: Go on vacation around the world and hit every continent, except Antarctica—I don’t have any desire to go there. #2: Pay off my parents’ house. #3: It’s boring, but I would invest some of it.

Q: What is your greatest accomplishment?

A: For my thesis, I was able to conduct interviews with women in Spanish and do my project on my own and get it funded and get new information.

I wanted my thesis research to be on something that dealt with poverty alleviation and women’s issues. So I decided to do interviews with women who work in artisan cooperatives in Mexico, specifically Oaxaca. In Oaxaca, a lot of the existing literature looks at women’s cooperatives as a means to empower women. But I wanted to study women’s gender roles in the community and see whether or not women’s cooperatives are a tool for creating long-term benefits in these communities.

In 2006, there were these protests that shut down the city for 6 months. But a lot of the women’s cooperatives rely on tourists to sell their goods, so my research question was, “What happened to these women when tourists stopped coming?” I worked with 4 women’s cooperatives (rug weaving, embroidery, potters, cotton weaving) and conducted 32 interviews in Spanish. I studied Spanish intensively for 6 months in Nicaragua last summer and took another year do it in grad school and now am conversational!

Q: Least favorite fashion trend of all time?

A: Leggings as pants. They’re fine as tights, under a dress, but as pants—no.

Q: Best advice you’ve ever received?

A: Try and enjoy all the moments of your life because life can easily fly by and sometimes when you realize that you didn’t enjoy something while you were there, it’s wasted. Everything can be replaced but time cannot.

Q: Worst advice?
A: What comes to mind actually happened to a friend—he didn’t get along with his boss and a co-worker who told him to go above his direct boss to the CEO of the company and complain. That did not work well and in retrospect was very bad advice! We all learned that it’s never a good idea to go above your boss’ head.

Subject: Kim Bayudan

Talking to Kim reminded me of something. One of the things I think we all look forward to is becoming an adult: the day we’ll be able to make our own decisions, do whatever we want, be in charge. As a kid, we think that once we grow up, everything will fall into place and we’ll instantly become the person we want to be. But the “self help” industry tells a different story—of adult children of alcoholics, abusers and neglectors still trying to get over the past in order to be healthy, productive citizens. And you don’t even need to be a child with a troubled youth to know that you don’t turn 18 or 21 and suddenly get the key to the Knowledge Book. Being a child is hard, being an adult is even harder, and I can only imagine what being a parent must be like! A brand-new (less than a month) mom, Kim is still figuring it out, like we all are.

Q: If you could go back in time and change one thing, what would it be?

A: I would have stood up to my mother at a younger age, not lived in fear of her. I would have called her out on her behavior, I wouldn’t have let her be the kind of mother she was. I wish I hadn’t lived so many years of my life afraid of her. There’s so much of what she did that was wrong and I know now that if I had the guts to stand up to her, it would have changed my life.

My wedding (when I was 34) was the first time I stood up to her and now, 3 years later, we don’t talk often. I just wish she would see what kind of person she was, see what she has done wrong. I stand up for myself now.

Q: Who are/have been the most influential people in your life?

A: My dad has been a huge influence on me. He always stuck by me, never stopped trying to see me—my mom blocked him from communicating with me from the time I was 18 months old. But any mistakes or bad decisions I made, he was always there. He’s just a great family man and he’s loved me unconditionally—hopefully I am that kind of parent.

Q: What is the biggest mistake you ever made and were you able to fix it?

A: I wish that I had done college a little differently— I wish I hadn’t taken it for granted. I wish I gone away to college or taken it more seriously and maybe that would have helped me take my career more seriously now.

I always just assumed I would go to a local school and get decent grades so that’s what I did. I wanted to go away to school but I just didn’t put the effort into it. Maybe if I would have tried harder and worked harder I would be in a different place now.

Q: What do you read?

A: Modern fiction, book club books. Right now, it’s The Help by Katheryn Stockett. It’s well-written and easy read but it’s also educational and makes you think. I don’t know—right now, my mind is mush!

Q: If you won 50 million dollars what would the first thing you would do with it?

A: This is so selfish but I would buy a bigger house. Second thing? Furnish it! Then I would adopt a million dogs and get them out of the shelters—just go in there and get all of them and have them live with us. My husband and I talk about that a lot.

Q: Would you rather live in the middle of the Sahara or Antarctica?

A: Antarctica since I don’t like being hot. You can always buy sweaters. And there are penguins there—there are no penguins in the Sahara!

Q: How do you feel about sweatpants? Home and workout only or wear anywhere?

A: Here’s the thing: my opinion, wear anywhere. BUT most people think that they’re workout only so I cave to popular opinion.

Q: If you could get an all-expenses paid trip anywhere in the world where would you go?

A: Greece, I’ve always wanted to go there. It looks beautiful. I want to see the water and the beaches and the history.

Q: Who is on your celebrity list (the one that includes any celebrity that your partner gives you a “pass” on sleeping with if the opportunity ever arose)?

A: High school answer: Bono. Because it always has been.

But now, I think Tim McGraw is really cute. A cowboy!

Subject: Me!

I am interested in people. And I know I am not alone in my fascination—how else do you explain the popular activity of people-watching? Or the fact that reality shows seem to be on ALL THE TIME? Or that whenever you seem to be having a really personal conversation, you realize that everyone in the room has suddenly stopped talking and is now listening intently to you getting dumped (thanks to the waitress for the free drink, I guess)? People are interesting! And I don’t mean celebrities, I mean our neighbors, friends, family, the clerk at Target.

So I thought I would take the time to figure out what is going on with people—what are their stories? Where did they come from? What are they thinking? I know I’ll be fascinated and I hope you will too, if you are reading this. Each entry will be an interview with someone I think has something to say-- sometimes it will be a person who didn't realize he or she had something to say until someone came along and asked the right question. I will explain who the person is and probably add a photo—just in case anyone wants to date them. I figured it only makes sense to start with myself so here goes.

My name is Josefin O’Brien and I am a Seattle native currently living in Los Angeles so that means I hate valet parking and when I say, “I’ll be there at noon” that means I will be there at noon. I have worked as a writer and producer for TV and the online world for the last few years. My parents met at The Tip Toppers (which is a club for tall people—no joke) so consequently, I am the shortest member of my family at 5’11”. I have one brother who lives in West Seattle and one sister who lives in London. My likes and dislikes are boring so let’s get on with the interview (just one question for myself, we’ll see how it goes with everyone else).

Q: What is the biggest mistake you’ve ever made and how did you correct it (if you did)?

A: When I was in high school, I worked summers as a lifeguard (that’s not the mistake, but it’s relevant information). Of course there were a lot of other kids in the area that did this so we had to share shifts—sometimes you’d get a lot and sometimes not. Well, the summer after my sophomore year, a couple of people went on vacation at the same time and I got the opportunity to work the entire weekend, which would have meant an extra couple hundred bucks. I was pretty excited about it, thinking about all the ways I would spend my windfall before I had even worked the hours. But then my dad tells me he’s got some business he has to do in a town a few hours away and asks me if I’d like to go with him—we could take a road trip! Any other weekend, fine. This particular weekend, couldn’t do it. So that was it—my dad didn’t give me a hard time about it at all when I explained why I couldn’t go. He just said OK and he ended up flying to his business meeting and that was that. It didn’t feel like a momentous choice at the time but I guess every decision starts out that way—no big deal until it is one.

Well, my dad died a year and a half ago. And I keep thinking about that trip. What an idiot I was for choosing to stay and make some money that I probably spent on junk instead of hanging out with my dad! It’s not like we never talked and that was the only opportunity I ever had to get to know him, but I think when you lose someone permanently, you realize that there is no such thing as “quality time” because what you just want is “quantity time” and by that I mean, as much time as there is in existence. And it doesn’t have to be doing something fun or educational either—it can be spent sitting in a car, driving to a boring business meeting.