Dennis Rodman—Bad Boy Basketball Star, Misunderstood Humanitarian (Seriously)

The other day, I read that Dennis Rodman paid for the funeral of James Byrd, the black man who was murdered in Jasper, Texas, when 3 white men dragged him to death behind their truck.

I hadn’t really thought much about the crime since 1998, when I do remember it was national news for days. People said it set race relations back decades and I certainly don’t disagree. The whole thing was so heinous it was almost hard to believe it really happened. 

Then I started thinking about Dennis Rodman's part in all of this. Dennis Rodman, of all people! First of all, who even knows if it's true, if he paid, offered to pay, whatever. But what if it was true? As far as I can tell, Dennis Rodman didn’t know James Byrd or his family, he is not from Texas (he’s a Jersey boy, as it turns out), and obviously he would have had no responsibility to cover the funeral charge. So other than hearing the news coverage and wanting to help a family in need, I have no idea what his motive could be.

Dennis Rodman is known for many things, but giving of himself without seeking the recognition of the media is not one of them. He’s pictured by many (including me) as this:

Or this:

Or maybe even this:

But when I read about him paying (the stories differed: one said he offered and one said he actually did. They both said he also gave the family 25K as a gift) for this man’s funeral because his family couldn’t afford it, I was completely floored. I remember 24/7 media coverage of this event but I don’t remember hearing anything about Dennis Rodman getting involved.

Just as a reminder to myself, I looked up what Dennis was doing that year. 1998 was the height of his fame/infamy—he was a superstar with the Chicago Bulls and it was in that year that they won their third championship in a row. He was in full bay boy mode—I think that was when he was dating Madonna and appearing in a wedding dress to promote his book.

So I guess to come out and say you have a heart and that you want to step up and do the right thing simply for the reason that it’s the right thing to do—well, that probably would have hurt his street cred as an obnoxious hothead. Now I’m starting to think he had me fooled all along and that Dennis Rodman was never as bad as he wanted us to believe. Maybe Dennis Rodman had a heart of gold underneath all those tattoos, flamboyant clothing, and in-your-face personality. I just figured there wasn't anything more to this man than what I saw... shame on me for being lazy and making easy assumptions. 

Everyone’s got a persona that they broadcast to the world—whether you’re a celebrity or a stay-at-home mom. Sometimes who you are is who you portray yourself as but as I’m realizing, sometimes it may not be. Everyone has a story to tell and I obviously needed a reminder to dig deeper and not always believe what people put out there for public consumption. Headlines are just headlines, but I want to read the entire article. 

RIP James Byrd.

Passion Vs. Reality: Which Do You Choose?

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the following quote from Steve Jobs (as told to his biographer, Walter Isaacson):

“We're always talking about following your passion. But we're all part of the flow of history... And we take things out of that flow that other people have created. And that's why our lives are so great. So you've got to put something back into the flow of history that's going to help your community, help other people, so that 20, 30, 40 years from now, even if it's a small pebble you put back in, people will say, this person didn't just have a passion, he cared about making something that other people could benefit from."

We need money to live—it’s as simple as that. It may be all well and good to be broke at 22 but after that, it’s not ideal. So how can one resolve “doing what you love so you never work a day in your life” (gotta love that one) with also needing a paycheck? And what about giving something back to society? I always used to think it would have been great if I were one of those people who always wanted to be a doctor or always wanted to be a lawyer. But what I wanted to be was a writer. Besides J.K. Rowling and a few others, who makes a living writing?

Is passion alone enough? In this time of record-breaking unemployment, I wonder if instead of focusing on my “passion” and becoming an unsuccessful playwright and then a (fairly) successful TV writer, I had, say, gotten an actual skill, where would I be now? Maybe I would be a computer programmer or an artisan cheesemaker or the founder of Kiva or something. But then again, if I were a cheesemaker, maybe I would have started my own business and it had subsequently gone bust when the housing market crashed and people were no longer buying $30 ounces of cheese. I don’t know.

The conclusion I have come to is that following your passion is fabulous, if your passion happens to be something you can make a living doing. I think I have also realized that passions can be hobbies—and that doesn’t mean you’re a “sell out.” Passions can be something you do outside of work, which is what you need to do to pay your bills. And if you’re lucky, maybe you can figure out a way to make your passion and your work exist in the same plain—organize an ultimate Frisbee team at your office, if Frisbee is your thing. If you’re a budding chef, convince your company that you can cater the next party yourself. Don’t give up! The point is, it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. You maybe want to be an artist but no one wants to be starving. 

We'll miss you, Neil Armstrong

Yesterday, Neil Armstrong died at age 82. For the people who saw his famous moon walk (the original and definitely the best) back in 1969, I bet it was life-altering. It was probably one of those events that begged the question, “Do you remember where you where when you saw Neil Armstrong walk on the moon?” I read that nearly half a billion people were glued to their TV (black and white!) screens to watch him. Countless others listened on radios.  

What a different world it was back then: America was deeply embroiled in a space race with Russia, not to mention a larger Cold War. The Vietnam War was going on. Woodstock was only in the planning stages and with all the political and social turmoil going on, an American becomes the first person to set foot on the moon. The moon! I can only imagine the feelings of unrestrained joy and pride that people must have felt that day. I think if something like that happened today, politicians would clamber to quickly take credit for it, announce it as their brainchild, and then include it in their re-election ads with a thoughtful but compelling voiceover.   

In recent years, it seems like NASA has lost its prominence in popular culture and I remember feeling sad when, a couple of years ago, the President talked about shifting away from government-aided space programs and letting private companies basically take over the area. Are astronauts now obsolete? I hope not. There are few issues in our modern era that haven’t become divisive points for political debate—but I think space exploration ought to be one of them.

And whether you agree or disagree that we, as a nation, should spend money on figuring out exactly what else is out there, I hope we can all take the directive of Armstrong’s family: “Next time you walk outside on a clear night and see the moon smiling down at you, think of Neil Armstrong and give him a wink.”     

Somebody's got a case of the Mondays

It's impossible to be anything but happy when this is the first thing you see every morning.

The true meaning of Christmas: Di Saronno drinks for all!

This time of year, everyone is always talking about the “true” meaning of Christmas. Yet all I see on television, in magazines or at the movies, is a hyper-happy reality that looks not only foreign to me, but a little absurd. No one I know, or ever have known, gives (or gets) a Lexus for Christmas. When I was single and broke in New York, I didn’t throw a party nearly as fun or funky as the one thrown by the cutie in the Target commercial. I’ve never met one single family that is as happy as the one in the Folgers ad to see their son/brother come home from doing volunteer work in Africa. On top of everything else I feel bad about, should I now add the fact that neither I nor any of my siblings joined the Peace Corps?

This year, I decided to ask my family not to give me any presents. Reverse psychology? Donate to charity instead? Spend extra time in church learning about baby Jesus? Nope, nope and nope. After watching what must have amounted to hours of Christmas commercials, seeing Christmas gift-related billboards, hearing 24/7 Christmas music on the radio (you get the picture), I actually had become revolted by the thought of entering a mall or buying a single red or green item. Who comes up with this stuff? Cue the sleigh bells! Enter the delighted and adorable children! There’s an expectant girlfriend being presented with an obscenely huge diamond as an engagement ring! I get it, they’re actors, consumerist culture, blah blah blah—it’s not real and I shouldn’t feel disgusted by participating in this scene. So why do I?

I actually have a good family, I have a nice guy, wonderful friends—so what is it about watching these commercials that makes me feel like I am the lamest person on earth? I am probably overthinking it. Just watch and enjoy! Look at this cute bartender dude telling me how to make unique holiday drinks with Di Saronno. Don’t mind if I do, but what is Di Saronno again? At the risk of sounding completely Scrooge-ified, count me out. I didn’t get any presents, I didn’t give any presents and I had to turn the TV off so I didn’t have to watch that ridiculous guy pretend to be a tree that fell off the roof of that family’s car (what is with those ads? What are they even for?). What I did do is talk to my brother, pick up my sister at the airport, make cookies for my boyfriend, pet our dog, drink glogg with my mom and miss my dad, whose last Christmas was 2 years ago. And it was a pretty good Christmas. Not to be too corny, but gifts aren’t always found underneath the tree.

In the immortal (sanitized and paraphrased) words of Cee Lo: Forget You, PeopleRecords

It all started because I wanted to do a background check on someone to whom my family wanted to rent an apartment. Do you know how many companies do background checks? Maybe the germane question should be, how many companies that advertise their background check services online are legit and not just trying to get your money and offer nothing?
Enter PeopleRecords.com.
I paid my $16.95 and I tried to do a basic search. No results. The site suggested that I do the check with multiple versions of the name (with middle initial, without, etc). So I did a total of 3 searches-- all of which yielded no results.
Then I tried to do a criminal check-- but that's extra.
Then I tried to do a credit check-- oh, that's extra too.
At that point, I realized I'd been had. This place is some sort of shell game and I'm the sucker who fell for it!
When I tried to contact "customer service" to get a refund, I was told that since I had already completed 3 searches, that they would be forced to pay their "data services and partners" and that a refund was out of the question.
Great.
Thanks for nothing, PeopleRecords.
Although there's pain in my chest, I wish you the best with a "Forget you."

Things I Wish My Parents Had Told Me: #4

Being nice is great, but it’s not always the best way to deal with things.

Growing up, my parents valued intellect, wit, truth, altruism, humor, thrift, and niceness. In that order. Ours was a house where Mom and Dad said things like “Don’t tell your sister to shut up, that’s not nice” and “We don't interrupt each other, that's not nice” without a trace of irony. Oh sure, I think kids should learn “please” and “thank you” and possibly, “Oh, did I just whack you in the stomach with my oversized bookbag? My apologies!” In this world, sweetness isn’t always treasured. Maybe more important than being nice is being taken seriously.

Also, I’d like to propose that we redefine what the word “nice” refers to. Instead of being all about appearing agreeable and kind to others, it should also mean that you put value in yourself and don’t suffer in silence so that others can benefit. In airplanes, they always say to put your own mask on first and then help others, right? So being nice means that you take care of others, but first you take care of yourself. Generosity of spirit and being truly helpful are amazing qualities—but you have to make sure that you don’t do these things at your own expense.

Sometimes in business, it seems like when I am trying to be “nice,” it blows up in my face. I extend a deadline to someone, only to have them take even longer to do the work (and now I’m in trouble for the lateness). I try to help the new person, only to have them take over my day with endless questions that have nothing to do with my job. I give someone another chance who is going through a divorce and apologizes profusely for not responding to emails and really really needs this job and can I pay them in advance for a small assignment? Well, you know where that one is going (I ended up doing the work myself). Aren’t these all examples of being nice and wouldn’t I want the person in my position to do the same for me? Sure! I’m still trying to draw the line between being understanding and being taken advantage of.

So maybe instead of striving to be the nicest, I will set my goal at “fair.” And I will ask myself the question, if this person reneges, who will lose most, them or me? And I think I can live with people sometimes thinking I am being a little mean. One phrase I have learned since leaving home is “If you’re tired of being a doormat, don’t let people step on you.”